(This post is an answer to the question asked on article : Happiness is in You )
Question : When do I face a situation & when do I adjust in a situation? What facing a situation really means?
We use the phrase ‘let’s face it’ when we state a fact or comment about something which we think the person may find unpleasant or is unwilling to admit.
Thus by saying ‘face the situation’, we have already tagged the situation as negative, unpleasant or bad.
This triggers two kinds of reactions based on the personality of the person
- For some, it triggers their attack mode where they get focused on defeating the situation or the person involved in it. They don’t recognise the pain & stress they need to go through while doing this. Here focus is completely on defeating a person or a situation.
- Others, try to show that they are fighting but internally their reaction is of defense. They try to guard and safeguard themselves because they take the situation as a threat to their existence or to their belongings. Thus their center of focus is to save themselves.
Both these mindsets, result in actions which are driven by aggression, anxiety, fear and attachments.
Spirituality teaches us that facing means
- Not having any fear
- Not trying to wear a mask
- Not having any prejudices
- Not adding labels to the situation or person
- Seeing things as they are
Now each word above in bold is very important and needs deep understanding. I leave it to you to contemplate on it and share your thoughts in the comments. This spiritual way gives clarity of the situation and a good start for solving it.
Adjusting in the Situation
I believe adjusting and facing are not opposites. We feel that adjusting is the opposite of facing. We think that adjusting is either suppressing ourselves or running away from the situation. .
After seeing the situation as it is, and not with a cooked up mind we might need to learn new skills or improve ourselves to face it. Using the correct skill, virtues at the correct time to embrace the particular situation and achieve the desired result is called real adjusting.
Here, it is important to understand and work on virtues of self such as patience, love, peace etc. which are the building blocks of one’s true personality. Virtues are the real fuel for skills. But nowadays we are more focused on learning skills than our deep virtues. It’s like Nature vs Habits.
Thus, adjusting is an art which is required during and after understanding the situation. It is part of the actual plan not an alternate plan (facing situation).
Adjustment is a power, an art ,which should empower you not leave you feeling suppressed.
Think : Without truly facing myself, can I face someone else?